her vagine was all disorganized.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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