with your own penis?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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