hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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