Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
