Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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