dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
