YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
