so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so let's talk penis.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
