The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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