I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
