I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
