One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
