I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
