No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
