i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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