what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize