he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're a waste of cheezeits
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
