I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
