Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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