i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
