I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
