Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
