its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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