i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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