i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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