I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
