Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
