I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
