i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize