I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
