did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
