I am midnight drunk by noon
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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