Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
