just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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