chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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