ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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