How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
