god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
