Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
