I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
