So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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