Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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