do herpes really smell.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
