I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
