atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
