I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
