It's Friday. Sex?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
