i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize