booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
