JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
