i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
