We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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