he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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