im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
