somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
