How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
