she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
