You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
