just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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