One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
