There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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