dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
