Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize