Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
