I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize