he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
