First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
