i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
