i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
