As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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